Seseame Street 2 and...

can't help it this is so funny. Again thanks to JM and hope is ok to
repost.



“James Williams not respond to Cookie Monster first! You remember deal? James Williams pay $480 and he get date with Miss Piggy? She like meaty boys and James Williams built like giant ham hock with legs. Is perfect for Miss Piggy. But maybe Miss Piggy not perfect for James Williams. Maybe James Williams no like shakin’ bacon?Is okay because Cookie Monster get $480 from old friend Kermit. He t.v. star. Had own show for long time is Muppet Show. When Kermit first start, said to everyone on Sesame Street: “Hey, me make show. Who want to be in?” Everybody say no tanks. So Kermit have brilliant idea. What make audience laugh hardest? Dat right. Drug addik and crazy people. So Kermit visit all skeevy alleys around Sesame Street and “cast” F-up muppets: Animal (heroin), Swedish chef (preskription drug), Gonzo (delusional), Crazy Harry (psykotik), cranky old men (Alzeyemer), Beaker (crystal meth). Yes, dey F-up - but still hilarious! Muppet Show become big hit. Cookie Monster no can believe. Big drunk Fozzie Bear once share garbage can with Oscar now have mansion in Malibu! Kermit own Bentley even though little green legs no can reach pedals!Anyhoo, Cookie Monster send money soon.”

But hours later, I received a not-so-official-looking email from The Federal Bureau of Investigation (sic). It informed me that the FBI’s “intelligency network” had “screemed through monitoring” and assures me that “the transaction you have with Federal High Court of Nigeria, is noting but legal”, advising me to go ahead and deal with Barrister James Williams. In closing: “And we will want you to netified him very well because of the scamer peopel in there country so we are direction you now to contacte him only truht his cantact…” Hmmm. The email made a lot of sense. Well, the parts that made sense anyway. Could I have been wrong about James Williams? Cookie Monster wrote him back: “Cookie Monster have $480 and about to send to James Williams. But den receive email from FBI - Federal Bureau of Investigation. Not Investigation with “S” but Investigation. Only one investigation? Maybe not so busy? FBI email say okay to trust James Williams, but it have more spelling mistake den Snuffleupagus letter to parole board. Me not stupid monster. Me tink James Williams very suspicious. Very handsome, but very suspicious. Maybe James Williams shakin’ Cookie Monster bacon! Is true?”Cookie Monster anxiously awaits his response.

Things not to do...

get your lip waxed. I am all for the eyebrows but the lip. NO way!

dental work. Had to get "crown lengthing" done. I've got to eat mush for 2 weeks and for what I am paying for it (insurance did not cough up the money, darn it!) I kinda expected more done. And if I didn't have my contacts in-the dentist would have smashed my glasses. And this isn't a complaint but once I'd like to get a prescription that insurance actually has to pay for some of it! The stuff I get is cheap! Oh and whats the big deal with Tylenol(with codien)-did nothing for me!

Was too funny not to...

When I read this I about laughed right out of my chair. So just
passing it along. 2 things though-JM-hope you do not mind the
re-posting of this and I seriously can not see him actually saying
that in person. His pictures do not fit this posting at least.

Oh and the Mr. Hooper line was the best. ;)

“This to acknowledge you that your lost funds have been approved from The Federal High Court of Nigeria and I whose told to contact you by The Nigeria president on how to realize your ($3.5million) united state Dollars by the diplomatic courier…”Etc.

Lately, my attempts to foster some sort of dialogue with these mysterious goodwill ambassadors have proven futile. Why? Was I too over-the-top in my replies? Maybe. Fearful of scaring off a new potential pen pal, I sent back a comparatively restrained response: “Hello dere. Ohboyohboyohboy. Me so happy. 3.5 million dollars buy lots of coookies. Me ready to receive money, but first, me have questions for you. How 3.5 million is put in Cookie Monster account? Lawyer dat us use has name Grover. You give 3.5 million to Grover, den me wait for Grover to give to me. Is good idea? Or maybe you come to Cookie Monster home and make personal delivery. If yes, den me tell you how to get, how to get to Sesame Street. Is not hard but little long and complicated. Way dere littered with bones of small children. But you no worry. Cookie Monster has your back. Hoping dis very delicious transaction.Sincerely,Cookie Monster”

I sent it off and went on with my morning activities. Then, around lunch, I checked my email and lo and behold, the guy had written me, I mean Cookie Monster, back. Barrister James Williams exhorts me to send him $480 so that he can complete the paperwork that will free up my cash. And lest I doubt him, he helpfully includes a picture of himself - looking all business in a suit and tie, natch. Thrilled, I wrote back:“Hello dere. Me tank you for writing back. And tank you for sending picture. James Williams very handsome man. James Williams is model? If not, could be, could be. Me ask lawyer Grover for $480 but he say no, dat me already spend all my money on coookies. I say $3.5 million buy lots more coookies and us use Grover money instead but he say no. I say have pity on monster. But he still say no. Not very delicious answer. Me don‘t tink dat fair but don‘t say me didn‘t try. Now what to do? Dat de question. Maybe ask Ernie and Bert? Maybe Oscar the Grouch but he always suspicious of scam. Long time ago, Old Mr. Hooper run Ponzi scheme out of corner store and burn Oscar, so Oscar put cap in Mr. Hooper ass. Oscar be flush but dangerous. What you tink us should do?Sincerely,Cookie Monster”

Flashforward several hours and I receive the following:“ How are you? I got your mail and is well noted, but first I want you to know that your fund is ready, but what is delaying the fund as for now is the delivery fee by the diplomatic courier, so I will want you to get back to me on when you are going to make the payment …“Delightful. I replied: “Cookie Monster sad. Oscar a no-go. Bert and Ernie just get floors re-done (beautiful hardwood, me like) so have no money. I tink maybe Big Bird but he unreliable. So what a Cookie Monster to do? Maybe we make deal instead. You pay fee and I get you date with Miss Piggy. Grover tap that. He say she easy, but me can make no promises. Great opportunity for James Williams. First class super sensational. You no can miss dis.Sincerely, Cookie Monster”

Rooting through my back-up yahoo account’s junk folder, I also came across a job offer from a Brown Spencer. According to B.S., I could earn anywhere from $600-$3000 a week by working as a bookkeeper for a Cotton and Textile Trading Company. It sounded like an opportunity I couldn’t pass up and so I immediately wrote back:“Dear Mr. Spencer,Your offer couldn’t have come at a better time as I was recently fired from my last job for embezzling company funds. Coincidentally, my former employer also specialized in cotton and textile trading. Thus, rest assured I can provide you with the confidence that comes from hiring someone with experience in the field, in addition to a bookkeeping background and an unwavering entrepreneurial spirit. I would like to get started as quickly as possible as my trial is due to commence in the coming weeks and I may need cash to bribe the jurors.Norman Shuttlecock Jr.”

Funny work thing(s) and...

Normally I don't post anything about my job (just in case

they find it-HA!) but this was funny to me.



Friday morning got stuck doing the BBC America news.

And we can here the BBC office in London. Well, the

guy queing the breaks (LOVE his accent, I think more

Scottish then English) starts talking about

one of the stories they just ran.



It was about England (well that area at least) apparently

running almost out of eels in the rivers, etc. Ok, big deal

I thought-forgetting that people over there
get eels (so far the oddest things I've ever tried have been

octopus and some werid crab-like
thing from A Korean BBQ place in NYC).



Ok, back to the BBC guy-well we rolled the break and he starts talking about how his mom LOVES eels. I about died and I think the guy's poor co-workers did too. Eww! Guess I've been stuck watching the odd stuff this week-first Strange Things (or something) on Travel. Oh and the 1 hr show on the Mutter Museaum in Philadelphia,PA. Don't ask.



Oh and to the 3 people that MIGHT be reading

this-eventually I'll get around to posting about my

vacation.

But if it works-I bet you can guess where I went from the picture(s) I posted here. :)



It be soo interesting just to be around them (especially DH and/or JM)