Was too funny not to...
When I read this I about laughed right out of my chair. So just
passing it along. 2 things though-JM-hope you do not mind the
re-posting of this and I seriously can not see him actually saying
that in person. His pictures do not fit this posting at least.
Oh and the Mr. Hooper line was the best. ;)
“This to acknowledge you that your lost funds have been approved from The Federal High Court of Nigeria and I whose told to contact you by The Nigeria president on how to realize your ($3.5million) united state Dollars by the diplomatic courier…”Etc.
Lately, my attempts to foster some sort of dialogue with these mysterious goodwill ambassadors have proven futile. Why? Was I too over-the-top in my replies? Maybe. Fearful of scaring off a new potential pen pal, I sent back a comparatively restrained response: “Hello dere. Ohboyohboyohboy. Me so happy. 3.5 million dollars buy lots of coookies. Me ready to receive money, but first, me have questions for you. How 3.5 million is put in Cookie Monster account? Lawyer dat us use has name Grover. You give 3.5 million to Grover, den me wait for Grover to give to me. Is good idea? Or maybe you come to Cookie Monster home and make personal delivery. If yes, den me tell you how to get, how to get to Sesame Street. Is not hard but little long and complicated. Way dere littered with bones of small children. But you no worry. Cookie Monster has your back. Hoping dis very delicious transaction.Sincerely,Cookie Monster”
I sent it off and went on with my morning activities. Then, around lunch, I checked my email and lo and behold, the guy had written me, I mean Cookie Monster, back. Barrister James Williams exhorts me to send him $480 so that he can complete the paperwork that will free up my cash. And lest I doubt him, he helpfully includes a picture of himself - looking all business in a suit and tie, natch. Thrilled, I wrote back:“Hello dere. Me tank you for writing back. And tank you for sending picture. James Williams very handsome man. James Williams is model? If not, could be, could be. Me ask lawyer Grover for $480 but he say no, dat me already spend all my money on coookies. I say $3.5 million buy lots more coookies and us use Grover money instead but he say no. I say have pity on monster. But he still say no. Not very delicious answer. Me don‘t tink dat fair but don‘t say me didn‘t try. Now what to do? Dat de question. Maybe ask Ernie and Bert? Maybe Oscar the Grouch but he always suspicious of scam. Long time ago, Old Mr. Hooper run Ponzi scheme out of corner store and burn Oscar, so Oscar put cap in Mr. Hooper ass. Oscar be flush but dangerous. What you tink us should do?Sincerely,Cookie Monster”
Flashforward several hours and I receive the following:“ How are you? I got your mail and is well noted, but first I want you to know that your fund is ready, but what is delaying the fund as for now is the delivery fee by the diplomatic courier, so I will want you to get back to me on when you are going to make the payment …“Delightful. I replied: “Cookie Monster sad. Oscar a no-go. Bert and Ernie just get floors re-done (beautiful hardwood, me like) so have no money. I tink maybe Big Bird but he unreliable. So what a Cookie Monster to do? Maybe we make deal instead. You pay fee and I get you date with Miss Piggy. Grover tap that. He say she easy, but me can make no promises. Great opportunity for James Williams. First class super sensational. You no can miss dis.Sincerely, Cookie Monster”
Rooting through my back-up yahoo account’s junk folder, I also came across a job offer from a Brown Spencer. According to B.S., I could earn anywhere from $600-$3000 a week by working as a bookkeeper for a Cotton and Textile Trading Company. It sounded like an opportunity I couldn’t pass up and so I immediately wrote back:“Dear Mr. Spencer,Your offer couldn’t have come at a better time as I was recently fired from my last job for embezzling company funds. Coincidentally, my former employer also specialized in cotton and textile trading. Thus, rest assured I can provide you with the confidence that comes from hiring someone with experience in the field, in addition to a bookkeeping background and an unwavering entrepreneurial spirit. I would like to get started as quickly as possible as my trial is due to commence in the coming weeks and I may need cash to bribe the jurors.Norman Shuttlecock Jr.”
When I read this I about laughed right out of my chair. So just
passing it along. 2 things though-JM-hope you do not mind the
re-posting of this and I seriously can not see him actually saying
that in person. His pictures do not fit this posting at least.
Oh and the Mr. Hooper line was the best. ;)
“This to acknowledge you that your lost funds have been approved from The Federal High Court of Nigeria and I whose told to contact you by The Nigeria president on how to realize your ($3.5million) united state Dollars by the diplomatic courier…”Etc.
Lately, my attempts to foster some sort of dialogue with these mysterious goodwill ambassadors have proven futile. Why? Was I too over-the-top in my replies? Maybe. Fearful of scaring off a new potential pen pal, I sent back a comparatively restrained response: “Hello dere. Ohboyohboyohboy. Me so happy. 3.5 million dollars buy lots of coookies. Me ready to receive money, but first, me have questions for you. How 3.5 million is put in Cookie Monster account? Lawyer dat us use has name Grover. You give 3.5 million to Grover, den me wait for Grover to give to me. Is good idea? Or maybe you come to Cookie Monster home and make personal delivery. If yes, den me tell you how to get, how to get to Sesame Street. Is not hard but little long and complicated. Way dere littered with bones of small children. But you no worry. Cookie Monster has your back. Hoping dis very delicious transaction.Sincerely,Cookie Monster”
I sent it off and went on with my morning activities. Then, around lunch, I checked my email and lo and behold, the guy had written me, I mean Cookie Monster, back. Barrister James Williams exhorts me to send him $480 so that he can complete the paperwork that will free up my cash. And lest I doubt him, he helpfully includes a picture of himself - looking all business in a suit and tie, natch. Thrilled, I wrote back:“Hello dere. Me tank you for writing back. And tank you for sending picture. James Williams very handsome man. James Williams is model? If not, could be, could be. Me ask lawyer Grover for $480 but he say no, dat me already spend all my money on coookies. I say $3.5 million buy lots more coookies and us use Grover money instead but he say no. I say have pity on monster. But he still say no. Not very delicious answer. Me don‘t tink dat fair but don‘t say me didn‘t try. Now what to do? Dat de question. Maybe ask Ernie and Bert? Maybe Oscar the Grouch but he always suspicious of scam. Long time ago, Old Mr. Hooper run Ponzi scheme out of corner store and burn Oscar, so Oscar put cap in Mr. Hooper ass. Oscar be flush but dangerous. What you tink us should do?Sincerely,Cookie Monster”
Flashforward several hours and I receive the following:“ How are you? I got your mail and is well noted, but first I want you to know that your fund is ready, but what is delaying the fund as for now is the delivery fee by the diplomatic courier, so I will want you to get back to me on when you are going to make the payment …“Delightful. I replied: “Cookie Monster sad. Oscar a no-go. Bert and Ernie just get floors re-done (beautiful hardwood, me like) so have no money. I tink maybe Big Bird but he unreliable. So what a Cookie Monster to do? Maybe we make deal instead. You pay fee and I get you date with Miss Piggy. Grover tap that. He say she easy, but me can make no promises. Great opportunity for James Williams. First class super sensational. You no can miss dis.Sincerely, Cookie Monster”
Rooting through my back-up yahoo account’s junk folder, I also came across a job offer from a Brown Spencer. According to B.S., I could earn anywhere from $600-$3000 a week by working as a bookkeeper for a Cotton and Textile Trading Company. It sounded like an opportunity I couldn’t pass up and so I immediately wrote back:“Dear Mr. Spencer,Your offer couldn’t have come at a better time as I was recently fired from my last job for embezzling company funds. Coincidentally, my former employer also specialized in cotton and textile trading. Thus, rest assured I can provide you with the confidence that comes from hiring someone with experience in the field, in addition to a bookkeeping background and an unwavering entrepreneurial spirit. I would like to get started as quickly as possible as my trial is due to commence in the coming weeks and I may need cash to bribe the jurors.Norman Shuttlecock Jr.”
posted by Amy Lynn at
3:37 AM
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